Georgio.us

I’ve always hated Hillshire farms…mostly for their stupid commercials, which make all men look like retarded cavemen who sit around in their backyards doing drill-seargent-style chants about loving meat (gay!).  I’ve tolerated them until now due to their uncanny knack for combining pig pieces which are otherwise not fit for human consumption into delicious meaty treats, but this is just the last straw.  I actually had to create a new category here called “Un-Cool Stuff” just so I could make this post. We recently received something like this pictured below as a christmas present :

The Culprit

Looks totally AWESOME, right?  WRONG.  This is actually just basically an enlarged suicide pill in meat form.  I freaking ate this crap and was dry heaving for hours afterward.  This is basically the situation :

George : “Hey!… Sweet!…, a huge delicious meaty treat for me, thanks Hillshire Farms!”

Hillshire Farms : “Actually, that is a putrid log of pure evil that will have you throwing your guts up like you ate 9 year old spaghetti…with tequila worms instead of pasta…and the congealed blood of 100 clubbed baby seals instead of tomato sauce”

For those of you who don’t believe me or are otherwise skeptical, just look at the snapshot taken directly from their website (unaltered photo) :

Actual Nutritional Information of Hillshire Farms Sausage

If not for my extraordinarily resistant immune system I might not have survived, as it is, I got off with the loss of the contents of my stomach and a mere 3 hours of dry heaving.  Oh yea…and I was heaving so hard that all the blood rushed to my face and stayed that way for 3 days, oh yea…and my eyes were covered with blood for 2 weeks, I had to go to work looking like this :

Hillshire Farms Sausage Side Effects

I’m pretty sure at least half of my co-workers think i’m a heroin junkie.  Not to mention 30 Sunday-Preschool kids who are traumatized for life!

Like I said, Hillshire Farms Sausage SUCKS.  Don’t eat it, don’t be fooled.  A lesser man than I might have fallen to this putrescent crap-log in disguise.

Hillshire Farms Sausage will cause you to explode from every bodily orifice you posess.  Spread the Word.